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Illusions


That which I thought gave me most joy
has brought along a world of pain.
Joy, Pain.
Pain? Joy?

The same which makes my heart smile
also makes my soul weep,
and, the thin line between pain and joy,
fades away.

Remembering yesterday's joys with a tear
greeting today's sorrow with a smile,
while trying to see what lies in tomorrow,
a painful smile? or,
tears of joy?

That which I thought was my greatest strength
has become my greatest weakness.
From where does this weakness derive its strength?

That which makes me stumble and lose control,
same, holds my hand and gives me hope.
Is this, that which is making me stagger and sway?
or, Is this, that which is giving my feet the strength
to move on, and
my hands the grip to hold on?

That which I thought was forever mine,
was never mine.
Is it enough to believe that something is yours,
is it enough to own it in your heart,
or is it not?

Like a mirage - now you believe you see it,
in that moment it is there
and is the answer to your prayers.

And then when you move closer, it is not there,
and you realise it was never there.
But in that one moment, was it not there?
It was so real....
So was that an illusion?
or is this an illusion?

That which was my pride,
is now a subject of ridicule.
What made me so proud?
same which today laughs and ridicules my pride?
and takes pride in my humiliation?

Some things cannot change today...
they are etched in the memories of yesterday.
Some things have changed today...
which tomorrow will not forget

Will there ever be joy without pain?
Will I ever smile without having to fight back tears?
Will I ever be strong again?
Will I ever hold something in my heart, again?
and not know no fears?
Will I ever be proud again?
and not fear humiliation?

Contributing Poet -   I am a MBA student from Bangalore. In the above poem have just tried to put down some of my thoughts recently. illusionsnm@yahoo.co.in

 

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