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I - The Fictitious Woman

 

As long as I can remember I have wondered why we should adhere to the dictates' of a society. I am still fascinated by my unconscious effort to please others. Looking beautiful, talking sense, sounding brave, dissecting my actions, getting up early in the morning are all a part of this endeavour.

As a child, wife and mother I am imprisoned by my responsibilities. My upbringing tutors me to think about Karma and sins and deflects my sincerity towards myself.

I feel abandoned by my true self.

Is this freedom of thought or a rebellious mind? I do have freedom but it dies with me like crashing surf that cannot overcome the boundaries. Are we looking for appreciation? I am a prisoner of appreciation- a sort of bonded labourer. It has become a stimuli to perform the tasks of difficult living.

 

When the neighbor shares a bunch of mangoes from his house I am expected to return a few coconuts to appreciate his effort of being a good neighbor. If I don't then the smile disappears from that familiar face. My husband expects me to shower my undying love for him by making a cup of tea at his request.

I do measure people's emotions with the same yardstick. A warm hug is the appreciation I get in return. How pretentious! What is the truth I stand for?

Contributing Writer: Meenakshi - I am a soft skills and language trainer, who stumbled into freelancing due to my need for self-expression. minurajagopal68@gmail.com    


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